Asking for support when care doesn't work
Abstract: This article addresses the challenging moment when family parents and/or carers must recognize that their best efforts may not be sufficient for their loved one's needs. It provides guidance on identifying when care arrangements need adjustment, overcoming the guilt associated with seeking professional help, and understanding different types of support available. The piece emphasizes that asking for help represents wisdom and continued love, not failure, and offers practical advice for navigating care transitions while maintaining relationships. BeingWELL.Me's philosophy acknowledges that nurturing both parents/carers and loved ones of all ages is essential, with THRIVE programs designed to support both parties through transitions while ensuring care remains appropriate and complementary to existing treatments.
RESPITE & CARER SUPPORT
5/11/20253 min read


One of the most difficult moments in a caregiving journey is recognizing when your best efforts aren't enough. Whether it's due to the progression of an illness, the complexity of care needs, or the toll on your own health, there comes a time when many family parents and/or carers must face a painful truth: asking for help isn't failing—it's wisdom.
At BeingWELL.Me, we understand that this transition point affects both parents/carers and loved ones of all ages, and our THRIVE programs are designed to support both parties through these challenging decisions while ensuring continuity of appropriate care.
Recognizing When Care Isn't Working
Signs that current care arrangements may need adjustment include:
Declining health in the care recipient: Despite your efforts, their condition is deteriorating
Safety concerns: Incidents like falls, medication errors, or wandering that exceed your ability to manage
Caregiver health breakdown: Physical or mental health crises in the parent/carer
Relationship strain: Care responsibilities damaging family relationships beyond repair
Professional recommendation: Healthcare providers suggesting alternative arrangements
Financial unsustainability: Care costs exceeding available resources
Financial unsustainability: Care costs exceeding available resources
Overcoming the Guilt of "Giving Up"
Many caregivers equate asking for help with abandonment. This is a dangerous misconception. Consider:
Care transitions aren't endings: They're evolutions that may better serve your loved one's changing needs
Professional intervention can enhance quality of life: Specialized care may improve outcomes
Your wellbeing matters: A broken caregiver can't provide good care
Asking for help demonstrates love: It shows you prioritize their best interests over your ego
It's not about you: The decision should center on what's best for your loved one
Types of Support to Consider
Support exists on a spectrum, from minimal intervention to full professional care:
Home Health Services: Nurses, therapists, or aides who come to the home
Adult Day Programs: Structured activities and social interaction
Respite Care: Temporary professional care while you rest or attend to other needs
Assisted Living: Independent living with available support
Skilled Nursing Facilities: For complex medical needs
Memory Care Units: Specialized care for dementia-related conditions
Hospice Care: Comfort-focused care for end-of-life situations
How to Have the Conversation
Discussing care transitions requires sensitivity and honesty:
Choose the right time and place: Private, calm settings work best
Focus on benefits: Emphasize how this supports their needs and your continued involvement
Include them in decisions: When possible, give them choice and control
Be honest about limitations: "I can't provide the specialized care you need, but I'll still be here"
Address fears directly: Listen to their concerns about abandonment or loss of independence
Creating a Support Network
Asking for help often means building a care team:
Medical professionals: Doctors, nurses, therapists
Family members: Sharing responsibilities more broadly
Community resources: Senior centers, religious organizations, volunteer programs
Professional care managers: To coordinate complex care needs
Support groups: For both caregiver and care recipient
BeingWELL.Me's Support During Transitions
BeingWELL.Me programs provide crucial support during care transitions by:
Addressing both carer and loved one needs simultaneously
Ensuring all support methods complement existing medical treatments
Providing strategies that promote symptom relief for both parties
Offering guidance that maintains appropriate care standards
Empowering families to make informed decisions without guilt
Maintaining Connection Through Transition
Moving to professional care doesn't end your involvement:
Regular visits: Consistent presence shows ongoing commitment
Advocacy: Continue to ensure their needs and preferences are met
Quality monitoring: Stay involved in care decisions and quality oversight
Emotional support: Your unique relationship continues to provide comfort
Life engagement: Help maintain connections to hobbies, interests, and personal history
Financial and Practical Considerations
When seeking professional support:
Explore insurance coverage and benefits
Investigate sliding-scale or subsidized programs
Consider care-sharing arrangements with other families
Research veterans' benefits, Medicaid, or other assistance programs
Plan for long-term sustainability
The Wisdom of Knowing When to Let Go
Asking for support requires:
Humility: Accepting your limitations
Wisdom: Recognizing when change is necessary
Courage: Facing difficult decisions
Love: Prioritizing your loved one's needs over your desire to be the sole caregiver
Redefining Your Role
When professional care enters the picture, you don't stop being a caregiver—you become:
An advocate
A companion
A bridge between past and present
A quality assurance monitor
The keeper of memories and preferences
The Gift of Appropriate Care
Sometimes the greatest gift you can give your loved one is arranging care that exceeds what you can provide. This might mean:
Better medical management
Improved social interaction
Enhanced safety and security
Preserved dignity
Continued quality of life